disjointed

Edited to add: my pictures are cut off on the right side. So you can't see all of everything I meant to show, but I'm too lazy to go back & edit the descriptions.

Chaos reigns supreme in our home at the moment.

Our move was a whirlwind 3 day event, and I'm tired even though it was a little over a week ago. I took these pictures on Saturday morning, so it actually looks a little better now than it did then. For instance, everything that doesn't belong in the kitchen is not in the kitchen anymore. The same for the dining room. And my laundry is caught up & mostly put away, but the laundry room floors etc. haven't been cleaned yet.

Like I said, chaos. A disclaimer: please ignore the windows that still have stickers on them, my FILTHY hardwood floors {I'm trying to keep them swept, but I'm not cleaning/mopping them until everything else is done}, and the piles of junk everywhere.

These are random pictures of the house, and don't include the bathrooms or bedrooms because I got tired up uploading pictures. Also doesn't include the upstairs, mudroom or garage - which OH MY WORD. If you think these rooms are bad, the garage would give you a stroke. It's for your own health I don't show things like that.

{This is looking into the family room from the foyer. Those bins are not full of magazines as it suggests - they're actually Christmas decorations.}

{The laundry room {duh} - see the cute little hole Brian made? The other side is the master closet. He's so proud of that silly thing!}

{One side of the school room. I don't think I have a picture of the other side, but it's equally piled with stuff.}

{Looking into dining room from foyer. Note the lovely 1980s componet system speaker. Yeah. That's Brian's. And soon to be in a yard sale.}

{The breakfast room & French doors leading onto the deck. The table was not where it belongs - it's in another part of the house. I don't know why. And, my temporary shelves in my pantry. Should've shut those doors.}

So there you have it - a mini tour of our new home. Like I said, chaos.

Hopefully I'll get it together in the next couple of days... I'm hosting Thanksgiving here on Thursday, and even though it's only my inlaws {and my mother-in-law was here this weekend & saw the chaos} I'd really like to have a more peaceful setting for that day.

One day at a time.

up and running

finally! Hopefully I'll have a chance to post this afternoon!

God is still good

We're finally moving.

We've had several delays, some fits and starts - but it's finally time. We were advised {after we were supposed to be moving} that we should wait until after the foreclosure so that it couldn't be considered "abandonment". Then - you won't believe this - our mortgage company didn't know they foreclosed on us. And that's for another post.

And now it's Monday. We're moving everything besides furniture and kitchen stuff {that I'll actually be using to cook} during the week. Then Saturday all furniture will be moved, and we'll be done.

It's Monday, and hardly anything is packed. And I'm blogging.

It's Monday, and I know it's only next door - but I don't know how I'm going to get all this stuff moved with some semblance of order so that it won't be too hard to get back into the swing of things next week. You know: school, work and just life. Not to mention that I'll be hosting Thanksgiving in 2 weeks.

It's Monday and even though I've known for a long time that we were going to be moving, I've procrastinated about getting things done. I've been kind of frozen, afraid to make that move in my mind and my heart. I've been afraid to move forward, to let myself love this place we're moving {and, it is a great house - though just a house}. Because, you see... I've been afraid that we'll end up losing it too.

I've spent a lot of time this past year afraid to be happy, for fear of looking like a fool.

Reality is that the way things are now, we can't afford this house. It seemed so backward to move my family into a house that may be gone in a few months. I've been afraid to commit, to move toward doing anything. I've been thinking that once we moved I would just leave everything in boxes except what we absolutely needed on a daily basis. Stay ready for the other shoe to drop, I always say.

But this weekend I started thinking - what kind of faith is that? What kind of message to my boys?

When thinking that way I'm basically saying that I've got it all figured out, that I know just what God's plans are for us. I had decided that I already knew His answer to the prayer I've mumbled to Him so often, "Please don't let us lose this house, too". In my mind, He had already told me, "Too bad". Delusional, I convinced myself that I knew His answer/His ways, and lived in fear.

So I decided this weekend to step out in faith - to live TODAY and not worry about the future - afterall, tomorrow will worry for itself. To step out in faith, and unpack all the boxes {that aren't packed yet!}, put all the pictures on the walls and make a home with my family. I will not spend the coming days miserable and anxious, making life hard for my family. I've done that in the past, and it's just not worth it.

Either we'll get to keep this house, or we won't. And God already knows the outcome. I've asked to be able to keep it, and now it's time to walk the walk. I still pray that the answer is yes. But now I'm believing, and acting out my faith... putting my faith in action.

Happiness is a symptom of circumstances but joy is a product of perspective. God is still good, so I will be grateful.

I will be grateful. I have a choice every day {you do too!}. And like I've said before it takes conscious effort some days. We have what we need for today, what right do I have to waste it?

I will be grateful. He is still good.

• this post is linked to Tuesdays Unwrapped at Chatting at the Sky
  

Join the 30-Day Giving Challenge

I came across this today at Amy's Finer things. Alyssa at Keeping the Kingdom First has come up with a challenge for the month of November.

30 Days of Giving

My family is joining, and I'll be mentioning it to our extended families as well. I've also invited my "friends" on Facebook - and I'm encouraging you to do the same!

This year has been an extremely difficult one for us, full of uncertainty and worry. But it's also been full of the generosity of others and God's abundant blessings. Everyone has something to give be it money, time or possessions. Even if you truly don't think you have anything to give I challenge you to come up with a list of just 5 things.

Amy has a list with some great ideas, and I'm adding the following:

• donating blood {we have always donated blood, but we try to make a special effort to donate during December to mark the anniversary of Cade's birth and the 2 blood transfusions he had. Had someone we didn't know not donated, we wouldn't have our precious boy.}
  
• Holiday Mail for Heroes {a card program for service members and their families}
• Coupons for Troops
• Advent Conspiracy {buying one LESS gift a year can save lives through gifts of water}
• this fun idea I've been saving since last Christmas - great idea from Denise Jones
  

In addition, I'll be praying for God to show me ways that I might give. Often, I think I overlook {or ignore} needs that might be very plain if only I paid attention. I know there are people in my community who would benefit from some unexpected kindness.

I've begun today, and I'll be sharing my experiences & some of my journal entries here. Why don't you grab a journal and join in?

things I've learned {or remembered} this week

• I don't like to paint. Nor am I any good at it. And although my entire house {besides the dining room} is Tobacco Road & I previously loved it - I'm rather tired of looking at it. I'm sure I'll love it again soon enough. It was true love. But still. Blech.
• I know why builders pay for professional cleaning crews. Construction is messy.
• Things *always* take longer than I anticipate. Not sometimes. ALWAYS.
• Just because someone tells you it can't be done, doesn't mean you can't do it.
• I love Fall days. Wow, this weather! It's been a long time since we've had pleasant weather.
  
• Single parenting is harder than it looks. This is our first week with Brian at his new job, where he's gone for 3 days at a time. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it, when life is not complete chaos. God's timing amuses me.
• I really should write things down. I simply won't remember if I don't.
  

• Song I've been singing lately: Savior Please by Josh Wilson

I try to be so tough, I'm just not strong enough. I can't do this alone, God I need you to hold on to me.

God has plans that are WAY bigger than what I can even comprehend, ever imagine. Things that I would not even think about or consider. And sometimes I'm scared of what those plans might be. But I LOVE, LOVE it when I can look at what's going on and SEE how He's weaving things together.

Less than 2 weeks until we move. And I'm still not packed.

overwhelmed

I'm amazed at the speed of days going by.

We are supposed to be moving in two weeks, and I have nothing. packed. Sure, it's only next door. But still. And I've never moved with kids. Is it harder? Should that be alleviated some since it's only next door?

The idea of moving this entire house full of stuff and getting it set back up is overwhelming to me. Ever get stuck like that, and it keeps you from moving forward at all? I don't know where to start, so I don't do anything at all.

Fortunately, I know exactly where things will go once we move. Oh, I'm sure there will be some adjusting here and there but since I know that house like the back of my hand I've long since decided where everything should go.

It would be so convenient if I could put regular life on hold until after this move. No more schooling, baseball games, co-op, therapy, etc. But what would that accomplish? Then I'd be more behind on those things, too.

I'm not one who is normally too busy. I'm usually pretty good at balancing obligations and outside activities. But there's just no way to avoid it in this season, at least not until after the move.

Have any practical ideas for getting in gear? How do you make your move go smoothly?

wow

Can I just say that I have been completely humbled by you, by this opportunity, by knowing that there are so many out there that are in this {or similar} situation.

Nester shocked my socks off when she asked me to guest post. Like I've said before, I have never really known how to talk about this. Thrilled as I was to even be asked, I had my doubts when she told me she felt like it was a story that could reach other women.

We've felt embarrassment, shame, disgust, frustration, heartbreak and defeat. But we've also felt HOPE, determination, blessed beyond measure, strength, forgiveness, and renewed passion for our family.

I still have trouble with what I struggled to say needing to be heard by so many. I'd like for you to know that this is still a journey for me - still a struggle - remembering what I've said in this post. But we have lived it, and it was/is hard and I know for a fact that when I'm relying on Him, I am in a better place. I don't feel like someone who's got it together in this respect. I truly have to take it one day at a time, or I'm in full-fledged panic mode again.

I have always been a rather negative person by nature, you know, a half-empty kind of girl. I have not always relied on Him. Even in this, like I said, it took over a year before I got to this point. Coming to Him with anything besides an angry glance or exasperation was a last resort. I hope I remember to come sooner rather than later in the future. And still, it's very easy for me to fall back into taking things into my own hands. Waiting on the Lord's perfect timing is not something that comes easily to me.

I've received so many questions in email, and I will do my best to get back to you individually if there was a specific question. Some things are topics that will be in upcoming posts.

Nester, thank you so much for this opportunity. You've blessed me so many times, and this is another one of those times. I continue to be amazed at your ability to encourage, inspire and get to the heart of the matter.